{"id":279,"date":"2004-03-20T07:13:00","date_gmt":"2004-03-20T07:13:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/chrisandjanet.net\/blog\/2004\/03\/20\/"},"modified":"2004-03-20T07:13:00","modified_gmt":"2004-03-20T07:13:00","slug":"279","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/chrisandjanet.net\/blog\/2004\/03\/20\/279\/","title":{"rendered":""},"content":{"rendered":"<p>This post is called <b>Cats Never Learn<\/b>. I&#8217;ve lived with my <a href=\"http:\/\/asparaguspee.blogspot.com\/wetcat.jpg\">cat<\/a>, The Duchess, since February of &#8217;89, or about 15 years for those of you who may be math impaired. In all that time, you&#8217;d think she&#8217;d have figured out a few things that she&#8217;s experimented with on a daily basis &#8211; I mean, that&#8217;s over 5000 days, right? But here are some things she&#8217;s never figured out:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Contary to your experience, you can&#8217;t actually make a door open by staring at it.<\/li>\n<li>Despite what you believe, the grass is <em>not<\/em> greener on the other side of the door.<\/li>\n<li>When you eat grass, you throw up.<\/li>\n<li>I&#8217;ve never fed you in the bathroom.<\/li>\n<li>Our house has approx. 1400 square feet of free floor space. You take up less than one square foot, as do my two feet&#8230; with better than a 1 in 1500 chance, why are you always underfoot?<\/li>\n<li>There&#8217;s nothing for you in the refrigerator, so I&#8217;ve closed it on your head something like 15,000 times with no positive feedback.<\/li>\n<li>Those speakers over there that I blew half my student loan on are not scratching posts!<\/li>\n<li>Litterboxes are not for losers who can&#8217;t mark their own territory.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<hr \/>\n<p>Zug (?)  had a prank this week where they pretended to be a 10-year old boy with a class assignment in Government, and they wrote to all of the US Senators and asked them what their favorite jokes were, and here are three of my favorites:<\/p>\n<p>\n<b>Q:<\/b> What did the number zero say to the number eight?<br \/>\n<b>A:<\/b> Nice belt!<\/p>\n<p>\n<b>Q:<\/b> Why did the pig have ink all over its face?<br \/>\n<b>A:<\/b> Because it got out of the pen!<\/p>\n<p>\n<b>Q:<\/b> Why didn&#8217;t the skeleton cross the road?<br \/>\n<b>A:<\/b> Because he didn&#8217;t have any guts.<\/p>\n<p>\nOne of the old jokes that I still love is:<\/p>\n<p>\n<b>Q:<\/b> Why was six afraid of seven?<br \/>\n<b>A:<\/b> Because seven ate nine.<\/p>\n<p>\nThen there&#8217;s the one I made up for Emily when she was about 2 1\/2:<\/p>\n<p>\n<b>Q:<\/b> What do you call someone who counts kitchens?<br \/>\n<b>A:<\/b> A kitchen counter.<\/p>\n<hr \/>\n<p>Here&#8217;s another rare photoblog update. It&#8217;s all about Asparagus, trying to get healthy, flowers, and Emily.<\/p>\n<p>We&#8217;ve got real Asparagus growing out in the garden, but it comes up like one stalk at a time, so we cut them off and save them in a glass of water in the refrigerator. They&#8217;re still fresher than store-bought, and they really make your pee stink.<\/p>\n<p>\nI&#8217;ve been working out for the last couple of weeks, and at nearly 42 years old, working out for the first time in a couple-three years, waking up stiff doesn&#8217;t mean quite the same thing as it used to! So I&#8217;m showing you a recent breakfast &#8211; &#8216;Old Chris&#8217; would have had two or three eggs and half a package of Jimmy Dean sausage, and no juice or melon.<\/p>\n<p>The flowers are self-explanatory, and there&#8217;s a picture of the garden with the new batch of compost about to be dug in. <\/p>\n<p>The Emily pics in this batch are pretty neat. When I was weeding to prep the garden for planting, I caught a little red snake with a grey belly (they tell me it&#8217;s a Red Racer), and Emily wasn&#8217;t scared to handle it at all&#8230; she thought it was &#8216;pretty cool, Dad.&#8217;<\/p>\n<table align=\"center\" cellpadding=\"10\">\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/asparaguspee.blogspot.com\/medasparagusfridge.jpg\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/asparaguspee.blogspot.com\/tasparagusf.jpg\" border=\"0\" alt=\"Asparagus from garden in fridge.\" \/><\/a><br \/>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n<p>\t\t\t\t\t\tAsparagus from our<br \/>garden in the fridge!<\/p>\n<\/td>\n<td align=\"center\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/asparaguspee.blogspot.com\/medasparagusgarden.jpg\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/asparaguspee.blogspot.com\/tasparagusgarden.jpg\" border=\"0\" alt=\"Asparagus still in the garden.\" \/><\/a><br \/>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n<p>\t\t\t\t\t\tAsparagus in the Wild<\/p>\n<\/td>\n<td align=\"center\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/asparaguspee.blogspot.com\/medbreakfast.jpg\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/asparaguspee.blogspot.com\/tbreakfast.jpg\" border=\"0\" alt=\"Breakfast is served.\" \/><\/a><br \/>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n<p>\t\t\t\t\t  Healthy Breakfast?<\/p>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/asparaguspee.blogspot.com\/medfreesiapot.jpg\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/asparaguspee.blogspot.com\/tfreesiapot.jpg\" border=\"0\" alt=\"Freesias.\" \/><\/a><br \/>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n<p>\t\t\t\t\t  Freesias<\/p>\n<\/td>\n<td align=\"center\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/asparaguspee.blogspot.com\/medpond.jpg\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/asparaguspee.blogspot.com\/tpond.jpg\" border=\"0\" alt=\"Pond, with new growth on Water Hyacinths.\" \/><\/a><br \/>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n<p>\t\t\t\t\t\tPond with Hyacinths<\/p>\n<\/td>\n<td align=\"center\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/asparaguspee.blogspot.com\/medreuben.jpg\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/asparaguspee.blogspot.com\/treuben.jpg\" border=\"0\" alt=\"Happy St. Patty's.\" \/><\/a><br \/>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n<p>\t\t\t\t\t\tPerfect Reuben <\/p>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/asparaguspee.blogspot.com\/medgarden2.jpg\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/asparaguspee.blogspot.com\/tgarden2.jpg\" border=\"0\" alt=\"Garden with Compost.\" \/><\/a><br \/>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n<p>\t\t\t\t\t\tGarden w\/Compost<\/p>\n<\/td>\n<td align=\"center\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/asparaguspee.blogspot.com\/medsnake2.jpg\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/asparaguspee.blogspot.com\/tsnake2.jpg\" border=\"0\" alt=\"Daddy's Little Serpentologist.\" \/><\/a><br \/>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n<p>\t\t\t\t\t\tSnake Handler<\/p>\n<\/td>\n<td align=\"center\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/asparaguspee.blogspot.com\/snake3.jpg\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/asparaguspee.blogspot.com\/tsnake3.jpg\" border=\"0\" alt=\"Closer Look?\" \/><\/a><br \/>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n<p>\t\t\t\t\t\tHere He Is.<\/p>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/table>\n<p>\nOh, by the way, the Reuben sandwich is a nod to St. Patrick&#8217;s Day &#8211; I love Reubens, so I alway buy a big Corned Beef when they&#8217;re on sale. This week, they were $1.89 a pound.<\/p>\n<p>The recipe is easy. Get a piece of Corned Beef. Boil it to death, maybe 3-5 hours over a low flame. Slice thin on Rye bread with sliced Swiss Cheese and drained Sour Kraut. Butter inside and out, add sauce below, and grill in a pan over medium heat until evenly brown.<\/p>\n<p>My Secret Sauce Recipe:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Miracle Whip Dressing<\/li>\n<li>Ketchup<\/li>\n<li>Worcestershire Sauce<\/li>\n<li>Squeeze of fresh Lemon Juice<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Blend about 2\/3 Miracle Whip to 1\/3 Ketchup with a couple of teaspoons Worcestershire to a smooth orange-brown. Enjoy!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>This post is called Cats Never Learn. I&#8217;ve lived with my cat, The Duchess, since February of &#8217;89, or about 15 years for those of you who may be math impaired. In all that time, you&#8217;d think she&#8217;d have figured out a few things that she&#8217;s experimented with on a daily basis &#8211; I mean, &hellip; <\/p>\n<p class=\"link-more\"><a href=\"http:\/\/chrisandjanet.net\/blog\/2004\/03\/20\/279\/\" class=\"more-link\">Continue reading<span class=\"screen-reader-text\"> &#8220;&#8221;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-279","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/chrisandjanet.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/279","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/chrisandjanet.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/chrisandjanet.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/chrisandjanet.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/chrisandjanet.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=279"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/chrisandjanet.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/279\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/chrisandjanet.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=279"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/chrisandjanet.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=279"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/chrisandjanet.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=279"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}