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It's time to take this bull by the horns and milk it.

Thoughts and observations of an Enneagram Type 7 INFP Beatles fan. I prefer baths to showers, late nights to early mornings, cats to dogs, and Mary Ann. The perfect blog for all featherless bipeds.

Gooblek is a 2-to-1 suspension of cornstarch in water. It acts like a liquid if you move it slowly, but a solid if you hit it or squeeze it. Click below for info on Asparagus Pee.

Asparagus Pee?

Mount St. Helens VolcanoCam

With Apologies to Elliott Smith

Comedy Central Refutes O'Reilly's Claim

Sensitive Light Photoblog

A Hole through a Hole in a Hole

Please Watch Joan of Arcadia

Christian Values?

Cleaning Pennies with Taco Sauce

Elliot Smith's Farewell CD Released

Michael's Message - Don't Give Up Yet!

Anna Benson

Is There No Help for the Widow's Son?

Duh duh-duh da duh duh-duh da da-da-da-duh.

On a lighter note...

Patriotic Veteranism

Looking Forward to My Retirement

Bad, Bad CBS, and Bad, Bad, Who????

Overdue Comments on Bush's RNC Speech

What's Up with the Coppertone Girl?

It's Helpful to Know Your "Times Tables."

Genesis Crashes on Return

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Wednesday, September 29, 2004

Tuesday, September 28, 2004
With Apologies to Elliott Smith

A Blue Eighth Note.Elliott made stuff like this sound so effortless, but gosh it's hard — I slapped this a capella thing together and posted it last November, not because it turned out particularly well, but because it almost killed me. In case you missed it, here's a link to Chris Benson sings I Didn't Understand badly. Some parts are pretty painful, but I guess some other parts are accomplished passably well.

Comedy Central Refutes O'Reilly's Claim

I wonder if Bill O'Reilly will ever figure out that if you're going to keep going around confronting people, you need to pick on people who aren't your intellectual superiors like Al Franken and John Stewart. If you ask me, Mr. O'Reilly is proof positive that there are worse things to be than a "stoned slacker."

(Thanks to Maya at Postcards from Sacramento for the link to Yahoo News.)

Monday, September 27, 2004
Sensitive Light Photoblog

&copySensitive LightI can't say enough wonderful things about the pictures that are posted over at Sensitive Light. If you have broadband, please do go check out at least his Favourites gallery.

A Hole through a Hole in a Hole

This little drawing from Reality Carnival makes my brain feel good.

Please Watch Joan of Arcadia

Amber Tamblyn as Joan. Click for official CBS website.We watched the season premiere of Joan of Arcadia last Friday, and once again, I urge all of my loyal Asparagus Pee readers to make this a must-see. It bothers me a little bit that whenever they are in the police station where her dad works, the whole scene is filmed in NYPD-blue, but other than that, this show is near-perfect.

I mean, where else are you going to hear God advise a teenaged girl, "Without deviation from the norm, progress is not possible. That's Sartre. Or was it Zappa?"

UPDATE — This is in fact a Frank Zappa quote, and there's a pretty concise list of good ones over here.

Christian Values?

Values? We don't need no shtinking values.My spambox, sorry, I meant to say my "inbox," is filling up now with stuff about refinancing my house "the Christian Way" and getting out of debt "the Christian Way."

What the bejeebus is that supposed to mean?

I've always kind of imagined that the Christian way to get out of debt would be to pay back the money.

And why do these spams always have the cross or the bible against a backdrop of an American flag? Can't the Canadians get out of debt the Christian way, or must they pay off their debts shamefully as the heathens do?

Sunday, September 26, 2004
Cleaning Pennies with Taco Sauce

Ketchup Initials on Revereware's Copper BottomAwhile back, I wrote about the wonder of writing my initials on the copper bottom of a Revereware pan using ketchup, and I'm sure everyone is dying to know how that works. Here's a link to a guy who's devoted way too much time to the phenomenon of cleaning pennies with taco sauce.

Friday, September 24, 2004
Elliot Smith's Farewell CD Released

From a Basement on a HillI'm thrilled to hear and report that on October 19th they're releasing From a Basement on a Hill, the album Elliott Smith was working on last year when he allegedly took his own life. There are links to several stories on Google News Search.

Unfortunately, it's only one CD, not the double that was originally a possibility, but the good news is that it's already #113 on Amazon, and it's not even out yet.

I'd sure rather have Elliott back.

I don't know about you, but I'm going over to Amazon and order it now.

For more information, here's a link to his main fansite: Sweet Adeline.

Wednesday, September 22, 2004
Michael's Message - Don't Give Up Yet!

Vote Kerry.I'd like to rant about politics, but I don't have time right now, so I'm going to let Michael Moore's Message do it for me.

Here's a sample:

"WAKE UP! The majority are with us! More than half of all Americans are pro-choice, want stronger environmental laws, are appalled that assault weapons are back on the street -- and 54% now believe the war is wrong. YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE TO CONVINCE THEM OF ANY OF THIS -- YOU JUST HAVE TO GIVE THEM A RAY OF HOPE AND A RIDE TO THE POLLS. CAN YOU DO THAT? WILL YOU DO THAT?"

Friday, September 17, 2004
Anna Benson

Asparagus Pee's getting a bunch of hits on "Chris Benson's Wife" again.

If you're looking for her, go directly to Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200. (Or hang around and read Anna Benson's Not Here, sign the guestbook, leave a comment, or whatever. Vote Kerry.)

Tuesday, September 14, 2004
Is There No Help for the Widow's Son?

It suddenly occurs to me that I think I forgot to mention that I'm pretty sure the "widow's son" in that corny hidden message from The Da Vinci Code's dust jacket is none other than Hiram Abiff. That's probably old news to the folks who care about Masonic/Rosicrucian whatnot, but I stumbled on it all by my little lonesome, so there it is. Follow the link to Google on Hiram Abiff and draw your own conclusions.

Duh duh-duh da duh duh-duh da da-da-da-duh.

Guide to Springfield USAI know you're all dying to check out this Guide to Springfield USA. Someone has created a map with every place ever mentioned on The Simpsons™.

Monday, September 13, 2004
On a lighter note...

I actually laugh a lot more than I rant, but I would like to state publicly that I refuse to use the abbreviation LOL. (The jury's still out on ROTFLMAO.)

Patriotic Veteranism

But then again, I could be wrong...I am so tired of all the Bush/Kerry crap about military service and Vietnam. Who made up the rule that says a politician ought to be a veteran anyway, and better yet, a decorated one? Serving at all makes you a hero, but unless you have to hold up under torture or something, isn't getting wounded just bad luck? Is it better to have a medal you didn't really deserve, or no medal at all?

By the way, did you know that some people consider Clinton to be a draft dodger?

Now I know it ain't patriotic, but I for one would think that if you've got it together enough to find yourself leading an advanced country of 300 million, you ought to be clever enough to find legally valid ways to avoid serving in a badly justified war. So I wish Bush would quit trying to deny one of the few things I actually respect him for having the sense to do.

And if your daddy doesn't have enough clout to help you get out of it, dodging your way into a Rhodes Scholarship to wait it out at Oxford will do just fine, thank you.

Sunday, September 12, 2004
Looking Forward to My Retirement

Calendar.Several of the people I work with and for are nearing retirement age, and one guy has a sign up over his desk that he's updating every morning with the number of days till he retires on his birthday in 2006, so based on current assumptions regarding Social Security, I've decided to do the same for my 67th birthday.

As of right now, my whiteboard shows I've got only 9018 days left to go!

Saturday, September 11, 2004
Bad, Bad CBS, and Bad, Bad, Who????

Who, me? (I swear I wasn't there!)I'm going to keep this short and sweet. I believe the documents CBS put out there re: Bush and the National Guard are forgeries produced in MS Word, and I'll be very surprised if it turns out to be otherwise, so I'm embarassed for CBS as they scramble to try to make good. The PDFs smelled wrong when I first glanced at them, and I just couldn't put my finger on it, but it was a perfect example of Blink, which is a pretty good book I've read as an advance reader's copy that unfortunately hasn't been published yet.

I'm also very disappointed to say that I'm afraid this will turn people against Kerry to the point where, were I a conspiracy theorist, I would almost suspect the Bush camp of misleading CBS on purpose to intensify and counteract the Swift boat fiasco and put the old AWOL rumors to rest at Kerry's expense.

Thursday, September 09, 2004
Overdue Comments on Bush's RNC Speech

But then again, I could be wrong...I was listening to Bush's RNC acceptance speech the other night, and I couldn't help thinking that the big multi-purpose question for almost every issue Dubya touched on is, "So who picks up the tab?"

As I listened to his aw-shucks good-ol'-boy rhetoric, I found myself getting sucked into the cesspool-like vortex of the swirling promise pit and thinking, well, if it really were possible to fight active wars on multiple fronts that were moral and necessary; simultaneously cutting taxes while not raising deficits, sacrificing education, or exacerbating the gap between rich and poor; and we could make sure that Social Security and Medicare were going to be around for the people that were promised them, without cutting benefits; and the next generation (i.e., me) really could bank their retirements in a private investment with a better guaranteed return without leaving an umpteen-billion dollar hole in the existing programs; well, hell, yeah, I'd vote for this guy - but it's all a not-very-well-woven fabric of lies, and I'd like to know who's getting the payoff, and who's really picking up the tab?

Them beautiful sheeps's got the stink of wolf all over 'em, and we can't afford to be naïve. It's not too late to register and vote. I would say, "for anybody but Bush," but you really do need to vote for Kerry. You do the math.

Wednesday, September 08, 2004
What's Up with the Coppertone Girl?

Good Ol' Fashioned CoppertoneAnother era has come to an end.Wassup with this newfangled logo?

Last night while I was grocery shopping, I happened to look closely at an endcap display of Coppertone™ products, and I noticed that the Coppertone Girl® has lost her tan line. That's right, that's what I said, she's got no freakin' tan line. I guess Coppertone decided that it was just not PC to have a tan line on their marketing mascot in the new era of SPF 150. I'm sure the sunblock line has been outselling the tanning lotions, so I guess they're just showing good fiscal responsibility. But still...

It's Helpful to Know Your "Times Tables."

World Famous Asparagus Pee Duh! AwardIn breaking news, a study in Exeter, England has confirmed something that I've suspected all along: you can do math problems faster and better if you memorize your times tables.

Alas, I did not bring this task to its full fruition, and even though I got a "C" or better up through Differential Equations, to this day I get really fuzzy in the 7-8-9 region of the multiplication problem space. Which reminds me of one of my favorite jokes:

Q: Why was six afraid of seven?

A: Because seven ate nine.

Genesis Crashes on Return

Coveted Asparagus Pee Doh! AwardWell, that's too bad... the Genesis probe has crash landed in the desert because its parachute failed to open. But then again, it's amazing that we try to do some of this stuff at all.

Genesis : Search for Origins | JPL | NASA

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