I read on Excite today that Kraft is planning to ruin, er, I mean, rework all of their products next year: Kraft to Revamp Products. The article says that Kraft, as the largest producer of processed foods, is worried that with people suing McDonalds for making them fat, someone might try to hold Kraft liable for widespread obesity.

Now maybe it’s just me, and I’ve eaten my share of Oreos and Velveeta in my day, but I think whatever you decide to put in your cakehole is one of those little life decisions that you are solely responsible for. I saw Zig Ziglar speak a few years ago, and one of the things he said was, “I used to weigh over 200 pounds by choice. Now, I say ‘by choice’ because, to my knowledge, I’ve never put anything into my mouth by accident.”

My real concern is that they’re going to ruin things just the way they ruined Lawry’s Seasoned Salt a few years ago when they took out the MSG, which was far and away the most important ingredient. When I start my own line of junk food, Sugar Salted Fat™, I will be sure that every product includes plenty of MSG.

Here’s what the Accent site has to say about the ‘umami’ of MSG:

Recent studies show that Accent produces a unique taste that is called “Umami” in Japan and described by Americans as a savory, broth-like or meaty taste. This “Umami is the fifth basic taste in addition to salty, sweet, sour and bitter. The discovery of the “Umami” produced by Accent is likely to increase usage of this already popular product.

It’s kinda like those newfangled seedless watermelons, which are an abomination in the site of God. Spittin’ the seeds is half the fun!

By the way, I imagine that in the future, they’ll figure out a pratical way to make cars that run on water. I say this because the same people who get all bent out of shape when gas tops $2 a gallon will happily stand in line right there at the gas station to fork over $5/gallon for a bottle of filtered tap water.