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I’ve long been a firm believer that we should truly strive for “one man (sic), one vote,” but maybe this whole electoral college thing actually makes sense somehow, kinda like a good judge telling a bad jury that their verdict to hang the guy just doesn’t fly.

In our local paper this morning, there was a reply to a previous letter saying, “I can’t believe what’s-her-name says she won’t vote for Kerry because his wife told someone to ‘shove it,’ when we all know that Cheney told a US senator to ‘****’ himself, and Bush himself called a reporter an ‘a******.'”

Excuse me??? H-e-l-l-o-o-o, is this thing on? Is that your brain on drugs? What’s the matter with you people?

If you’re choosing my next president based solely on whether or not they said a word that you have to spell in asterisks, we don’t need for you to vote.

No, really. I’m serious.

Even some of my favorite commentators are getting sucked into these distractions. I mean, Doonesbury this week is focusing on the bulge in Bush’s jacket? Even Kerry is disappointing me by focusing all of his rhetoric on the missing 380 tons of high-power explosives. If 380 tons can suddenly turn up missing, just imagine how many other tons there must be!

But let’s focus for a moment on the real issues. What about:

• Foreign Policy?
• Domestic Policy?
• Human Rights?
• The Economy?
• Health Care?
• Social Services?

Grow the **** up.

I have posted the first example of running a tough question through the ethical presuppositions that I worked up last week: On Abortion.

I was putting together a “Top Ten Reasons I Won’t Be Voting for Bush” list, but The Nation has a great list they’ve compiled called 100 Facts and 1 Opinion, so I’m going to refer you there, but I’ll share my #1 reason: he didn’t win before!

MoveOn PAC has set up a form to volunteer to call voters in the swing states over the weekend. I’m not sure I can do this – I’m already calling people for our local Measure V three nights a week, so I’m about phoned out, but check it out!

I stayed up way too late last night working on writing up a new system of ethics. Yup. That’s right, I’m writin’ my own code of ethics. Click here to read Chapter 1.

(This is actually less than half of what I’ve written, but the rest isn’t ready for public consumption.)

You know how Al Franken’s Stuart Smalley character always told himself, “You’re good enough, you’re smart enough, and doggone it people like you?”

My inner voice keeps telling me, “You’re better than that! You’re smarter than that! But, doggone it, people seem to like you anyway.”

I’ve been waiting and wondering what happened to Last Comic Standing, and I’ve just learned that NBC pulled the plug and announced a winner without me! Boy, that’s the way to endear your fans.

USATODAY.com – The last joke appears to be on ‘Comic’ fans

For some reason, people are starting to find Asparagus Pee by searching for “Quattro&#153” and “5-blade razor” again, and the old link to The Onion article I think they’re really looking for has long since been moved into a subscription-only archive, so as a public service, I present this link to a completely illegal copy on somebody else’s site: Forget Everything, We’re Doing Five Blades – The Onion.

It occurs to me that one reason the placebo effect works so well is that it’s so easy to forget that we’re healing ourselves amazingly well all of the time.

I don’t want to say that I’m feeling overwhelmed by all the stuff I need to get done, but…

You know you’re in trouble when you find yourself prioritizing your life in terms of what you can least afford to neglect, and weighing consequences instead of rewards.