I imagine that in the future, we’ll finally have nationalized heathcare, so people don’t have to go without, but the rich people will be lobbying for vouchers that they can apply to their extravagantly expensive ‘freedom of choice’ PPO’s, and they’ll also finance a huge lobby for healthcare re-privatization.
So I was thinking this morning, as I was reading a book called The Golden Ratio, 
all about the, um, golden ratio, and it occurred to me to wonder… what would I think about things if I had not been taught what to think all my life, but I still, somehow, had all my wits about me? If I lived to be 50 or whatever, how much would I be able to figure out about how the world works, like the guys back in 3500 B.C. who were just starting to notice that there were patterns to what the moon and the sun and the seasons were doing. How long would it take me to notice pairs of things? How high would I be able to count? Would I settle for the status quo and count 1, 2, 3, ‘many?’ Would I try to make some marks on something to help me remember things?
The real questions are:
- What’s really ‘out there’ (epistemology) and what have I just been taught that may or may not be true (pedantry)?
- How does someone get to look at the world with such fresh eyes that they can invent ‘The Calculus’ or the Theory of Relativity?
I mean, I never watched a single episode of X-files, but I believe ‘the truth is out there.’ I also agree with the great Martin Gardner (of Scientific American’s Mathematical Games fame) when he says in his book Did Adam and Eve have Navels?, ‘I believe there are truths as far beyond our grasp as calculus is beyond the grasp of a cat.’
Happy Birthday, America!
In the words of the website I borrowed this from, read The Declaration of Independence again for the first time:
When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have 
connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature’s God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.–That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, –That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security.
–Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States.
Well, this is pretty cute. It’s the first thing that comes up on Google for a search on ‘weapons of mass destruction’ (without the quotes). Click it here and read carefully. Weapons of Mass Destruction
OK. Here’s a link to a very pro-glutamate page. Umami.
I read on Excite today that Kraft is planning to ruin, er, I mean, rework all of their products next year: Kraft to Revamp Products. The article says that Kraft, as the largest producer of processed foods, is worried that with people suing McDonalds for making them fat, someone might try to hold Kraft liable for widespread obesity.
Now maybe it’s just me, and I’ve eaten my share of Oreos and Velveeta in my day, but I think whatever you decide to put in your cakehole is one of those little life decisions that you are solely responsible for. I saw Zig Ziglar speak a few years ago, and one of the things he said was, “I used to weigh over 200 pounds by choice. Now, I say ‘by choice’ because, to my knowledge, I’ve never put anything into my mouth by accident.”
My real concern is that they’re going to ruin things just the way they ruined Lawry’s Seasoned Salt a few years ago when they took out the MSG, which was far and away the most 
important ingredient. When I start my own line of junk food, Sugar Salted Fat™, I will be sure that every product includes plenty of MSG.
Here’s what the Accent site has to say about the ‘umami’ of MSG:
Recent studies show that Accent produces a unique taste that is called “Umami” in Japan and described by Americans as a savory, broth-like or meaty taste. This “Umami is the fifth basic taste in addition to salty, sweet, sour and bitter. The discovery of the “Umami” produced by Accent is likely to increase usage of this already popular product.
It’s kinda like those newfangled seedless watermelons, which are an abomination in the site of God. Spittin’ the seeds is half the fun!
By the way, I imagine that in the future, they’ll figure out a pratical way to make cars that run on water. I say this because the same people who get all bent out of shape when gas tops $2 a gallon will happily stand in line right there at the gas station to fork over $5/gallon for a bottle of filtered tap water.
Please check this out. This chick’s cool. pamie.com
(OK, you want a better idea what you’re getting yourself into? She started a grassroots drive through her website to buy books for the Oakland Public Library system through their wishlists on Amazon after they’d lost most of their funding, and people donated over 500 books. And she’s cool.)
I spent a lot of time today looking at, researching, and thinking about Google. Among other things, they have a new toolbar beta for Internet Explorer that is similar to the one that’s been out for awhile, but it adds a very good popup stopper functionality, and an autofill feature that fills in forms automatically based on information you provide. I’ve only used it today, but it seems to work great, and I’d encourage anyone to give it a try.
The other thing I ran across was a really cute article on the Google site about how their PigeonRank technology uses clusters of 
trained pigeons to rank websites by pecking levers to rank them in exchange for lin/ax, which is a combination of linseed and flax seed. Here are some handy links to various Google stuff I found today:
|
Google Zeitgeist |
Google Sitemap |
Better Queries |
|
PigeonRank |
Google Weblog |
Google Dance? |
Oh, by the way, I imagine that in the future, humans will evolve a system of additional stomachs. That way we can stop pulling weeds and spraying RoundUp™ everywhere to grow feed corn for cows, eat the weeds, and skip the middle-man. On a related note, it’s been so long since I’ve cleaned my aquarium that my fish have developed an adaptation that allows them to swim in pure urine.
In the Future
I imagine that in the future, every American will be forced to drive a big-ass white pick-up or SUV for no good reason.
I imagine that in the future, a popular trend will be to take the best rap songs of our era and set them to music.
Lemming Effect Redux
OK, so I’ve already gone on about ‘The Lemming Effect’ in my earlier and incomprehensible blog about spirals, but I’m not done yet. The lemming effect refers to lemmings throwing themselves off cliffs to commit mass 
suicide in times of food shortage or overpopulation – the idea, apparently, is that if you’re a really good little lemming, by which I mean a good soldier, cult member, union worker, corporate empoyee, or political conservative, when your mommy lemming says, “If all your friends jumped off a cliff, would you do it too?” the right answer is Yes!
Actually, to be honest, it turned up in today’s research while I was looking for a picture of lemmings jumping off a cliff that it’s just a myth anyway. On the other hand, it also turns out that Disney™ did a film in which they forced a few lemmings off a cliff and reinforced this idea in the minds of the masses, and it’s still a perfectly suitable metaphor for what I’m about to say.
What’s got me thinking so much about lemmings you ask? Harry Potter for one. J.K. Rowling and her henchmen at Scholastic say, “Tell ya what. We’ll go ahead and take a couple few million pre-orders so we’ll have some idea how many of these darn things to print, and the rest of you all line up outside around midnight and if you’re real good, we might let you buy a copy of this book, but we might not have enough, so you’d better dress in costume just to be safe” and the lemmings say, “Hmm. Sounds good… I gotta get me some of that!”
Another example? Just sticking to the American book market, how about this: After a long hiatus from picking Oprah’s Book Club Selections™, that homegirl has started picking classic fiction titles. So today, East of Eden (Oprah’s Book Club), by John Steinbeck, is #2 on Amazon, second only to, yes, that’s right, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. Now, granted, I think it’s wonderful that the big O’s promoting reading, but Steinbeck’s got the #2 book? Lemmings.
OK, one last example, and I think I can wrap this up. Every day, my favorite radio station (and that’s a tough call, since they’re really all the same station, just at different frequencies) has an ‘All-Request Lunch Hour,’ and all that happens is that people call in and request the #1 song, and fill up the whole hour with the same shit they just played the hour before and they’re gonna play the hour after.
Now, you may be saying to yourself, what’s the alternative, Chris old bean? Is simple nonconformity to cultural norms really the answer? Well, yes and no. If you react to everything by trying not to conform, just to be contrary, then you’re what one might as well call a lemming-nonconformist. The trick is to figure out what you really like and why you really like it, and to make your own little life decisions based on rational self-discovery, and realize all the while that as you go along, you have to be flexible to the changing situations you find yourself in.
It’s OK to decide that some position is generally foreign to your way of thinking, but one of the surest signs of lemming-nonconformity is a knee-jerk opposite reaction to everything they say. You can be a liberal democrat without needing to be an anti-republican who disagrees with every plank in the platform or bill in the senate. It also works in the affirmative – you can be a pretty good Catholic without necessarily believing that the pope is infallible, or joining the other lemmings outside that hospital in Milton, MA that’s practically been shut down by pilgrims standing around the parking lot trying to get a glimpse of the condensation in the dual-pane windows that happens to look a little like the Virgin.
So maybe you decide that no, beef is not What’s for Dinner™, and it really does make more sense for your health and the environment, and prevent cruelty to animals if you go vegan. But if I ever make that decision, and I’m a contestant on Survivor, and we win a chicken or two in the reward challenge, those little cluckers had better start shooting eggs out their butts before I figure out how to spell fricassee.
And no, I’m not promoting situational ethics, per se. Some things are clearly right or clearly wrong. Like killing another human being is just plain wrong. I understand about self-defense and all that, but if some axe-wielding maniac ever comes at me with a glint of steel and a gleam in his eye, and I have a concealed weapon, I don’t think I’ll kill him in self-defense. I’ll just shoot him in the thigh to stop him from coming at me. Of course, if his axe is nice and sharp, I might take off a foot, just to keep him from running away before the cops arrive.
Or what about traffic laws? Well, I’m generally pretty cool with most of them, like I think it’s a pretty clever idea to wear a seat belt, and I’m usually grateful for stop signs and traffic lights for keeping other drivers out of my way, but where I draw the line is that stupid law of gravity that says I have to keep the vehicle on the ground at all times. That’s just wrong.