Le meme est morte, vive le meme.

Pardon my French. With any luck, this will make more sense in a few seconds…

There’s a meme going around right now that involves listing the 5th sentence on the 23rd page of the book that’s nearest you. Most people, like me, will choose instead the book they’re actually reading. See, it gives us a chance to say something like, “Right now I’m reading A Man of My Words by Richard Lederer, and the sentence is: ‘While Simone and I were courting, we invited friends to go out with us for dinner and they insisted on going “Dutch treat.'”

Sorry, but that already seems completely uninteresting, even to me. Part of the game is that you’re supposed to include the rules, but I refuse to do it. The meme dies here, people.

But I am excited about reading the book, so let me quote something worthwhile. He opens with this joke:

The other day I went to the bookstore to buy a dictionary. The clerk showed me a really cheap one. I couldn’t find the words to thank her.

His chapter on slang has gotten me inspired, so here are a few new terms I’d like to coin right here and now:


As in ‘That’s one of the Bush-wackiest things I think G-dubbya’s ever said!’

Euphemism for f**ked-up, opposite of ‘whack.’ Example: ‘That sh**’s not whack, it’s whacked-up.’
no-fo’ shizzle

Not for sure. Opposite of mo-fo’ shizzle, which means really really shizzle. Usage: Yeah, like he’s da bomb… no-fo shizzle!

Reading a book on English also got me thinking about something I say and think all the time that’s kind of odd.

Instead of saying, ‘I’ve been meaning to do that,’ somewhere in my youth or childhood I picked up the expression, ‘I’ve been gonna do that for a long time now.’ I said that to my friend Clare when I was about 19 years old, and she said, ‘I’ve been gonna???’ like I was crazy, but I love that sense that you have a history of having meant to do it, as opposed to just simply meaning to do it.

Anyway, I have a huge list of ‘I’ve been gonnas’ and they spring out at me wherever I look.

One last thing. What is the deal with this Alan Greenspan? Every time that man opens his mouth, I lose a bunch of money. It doesn’t seem to matter what he says – whether the rate goes up or down, whether unemployment improves or get worse, whichever way the consumer price index goes, I lose money.

So will somebody please tell Mr. Greenspan to shut the hell up?