Those 800 Numbers on Everything

HOMER:Bacon up that sausage boy! BART:But Dad, my heart hurts.Having enjoyed several Reuben sandwiches recently, just to get a little variety in my diet I was making a sausageburger for lunch today. I use the 50% Less Fat product from Jimmy Dean, and I recommend it highly – it hardly shrinks or drips at all, and it tastes great. (Mmmm, snausages.)

So anyway, it’s always irked me a bit that they print those helpful tick-marks that show you where to cut the chub in just the right place so they’re hidden under the flap that’s created when they seal the tube. So I called the handy 800 number listed above the obscured marks labeled “For Questions and Comments,” and said, “Hi, I’d like to make a comment about this fine Jimmy Dean sausage product.”

“Yes sir, and what is that?”

“Well, see I actually use those little marks they print on the package every half-inch or so to decide where to cut the sausage, but you have to fold that little flap out of the way every time, and it’s kind of awkward to hold that while you’re slicing the chub.”

(Pause.)”Well sir, you do know that you could just cut it into half inch slices anyway, right?”

“No, you don’t get it. I called you just to tell you this bothers me, and I’d like for you to pass it along, please.”

“OK, um, thank’s for calling.”

It reminds me of the time I called the number on Lawry’s Seasoned Salt and asked them what the heck they were thinking when they took out the MSG. Maybe I should get Brian Lewandowski to write them a letter or something.

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