Day: April 6, 2004

You can lead a horse to water, but you know, once he’s there, watching a horse drink water isn’t really all that exciting.

Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he’ll always smell like fish.

It’s really important to stop and smell the roses. Otherwise, someone might come up to you at any time and ask you how the roses smell, and you’d just say, “Huh?”

If I ever meet a bear in the woods, I think I’ll just play dead. That way, if he starts to maul me, I probably won’t even feel it.

In the unlikely event that you experience a loss of cabin pressure, I sure hope I’m not sitting next to you.

A penny saved is a penny earned, but a penny earned is like a penny that you didn’t have before you earned it, and a penny saved really isn’t like that at all.

I want to thank J-Walk for reminding me to blog about Daylight Saving Time (without an ‘s’). As an adamant non-morning-person, it’s hard to get up an hour earlier for a few days, but I can’t imagine anything better than an extra hour of evening daylight. I mean, what the heck is the point of shorting me an hour in the winter when the morning is still cold, dark, and uninviting? If it were up to me, I’d adjust things weekly to maintain an 8:00 PM sunset and vary the work schedule accordingly.

For some reason, it really bugs me the way airlines want to charge me for beers and headphones, but ‘exact change is appreciated.’ Of course, as The Lady Janet pointed out to me when I brought it up last week on the plane, I could solve this problem very easily. Since I know I’m going to drink a beer, I just need to carry some small bills.

So sometimes I go buy something like a cup of coffee just to break a $20, but sometimes I forget, and it just seems kind of silly and arbitrary to me that they charge $5 for a can of MGD that cost about 20&#162 more retail than the soda pop they’re serving for free, when my family paid like $800 bucks to sit there, and then they add insult to injury by asking, ‘Don’t you have anything smaller?’ when I obviously don’t, like it’s somehow my fault that ATMs spit out yuppy bucks in $20 increments.

I’ve had the same gripe with my doctor’s office. If everyone who walks in has a $10 or a $15 copay, you ought to start the day with a big stack of fives, and on the flight where Delta charged $2 for a pair of headphones and $4 for a beer, they must know they’re playing Crazy Eights. How hard could it possibly be to figure out what cash drawer you need for a typical flight instead of getting on the blowhorn and asking if any passengers have change for a twenty? I mean, come on, I wouldn’t sell lemonade from a stand on the sidewalk without a few dollars in the till.

Of course, there’s another elegant solution that comes to mind. I could just hold out the $20 bill and say, ‘I’ll have 5 beers please.’